Since my last post 8 days ago I have only felt better as the days have gone by. Last Monday one week after chemo I had my small group come to my home. I seriously woke up that day and felt AMAZING. On Wednesday a couple of friends from school came by and then on Thursday 10 Arabic coworkers came by to see me. Talk about feeling loved.
Friday I went to church and then came home and got some rest before taking my boys to club day at the rugby club. It was so nice to be outside. Then on Saturday I literally sat on my couch and did absolutely nothing. H had rugby practice on Sunday night and tonight I went to small group. It may seem like I do a lot but the daytime is when I get my rest. I am very careful about germs I try to stay out of enclosed places and if I need to go to the grocery store I try to send mom or my housemaid or I will make a quick trip in the morning after taking H to school when no one is really out.
I do not want my boys to remember me being sick. CMan really doesn't know what is going on he just knows mommy is staying home with him. However H knows more than a 7 almost 8 year old should know. However he is my strong boy. He is always asking me if I'm ok and if I feel ok.
I do get tired easy. In fact today about 2:30 I had a headache come on so I took a nap as soon as I got back from picking H up from school. Then when I woke up I'm not kidding there was hair everywhere. I promise ya'll I think it was the devil trying to get to me b/c I really wanted to go to bible study and it was like there was something trying to stop me from going. Well, let me tell you it didn't work. My headache went away and I put a scarf on my head so I wouldn't shed all over someone else's home. Hopefully we can get up in the morning and shave my head so be on the lookout for pics. H wants to be here when we do it and I don't want to beshedding loosing hair all day.
Everyone says your so strong! How do you stay so positive?
Let me tell you it is not easy but there are two ladies that have fought this battle and beat it and I intend to do the same. I want to brag about them for just a minute.
I have known Kim since Kindergarten and I can't really think of a time that I ever saw her be negative during her fight. She was always positive and 8 years later she is still positive. I know she probably had her moments but she never let people see them. I can remember always saying she was my inspiration in life. I can tell you that if I had not watched her fight and beat cancer with such a positive attitude I'm not sure I would know how to be so positive. Thank you Kim for showing me that just because I have cancer it is not the end of the world and that having a positive attitude is the best way to get through this.
Then there is Lisa. I can go on and on about her. I have never met her face to face (I promise you though one day I will) but a mutual friend (Shayla) introduced us through Facebook and she has been an amazing 'sister' to me. See she was diagnosed two years ago yesterday here in there UAE. Mind you she is back in the US now. When we first started talking via Facebook she told me what surgeon to see and what oncologist to see and has even said which radiologist to see. The surgeon was the same one I had and when I requested from my surgeon to send me to the oncologist it was the same oncologist the surgeon was already going to send me to. Then when I found out I was going to have so much chemo she made me cry. LOL. She is that friend that is brutally honest with you and I absolutely love her for that. If it wasn't for her honesty I would have had a meltdown in my oncologist office on Aug 24 when he was telling me all the side effects I COULD have. However she had already told me so it was the second time I was hearing it all and even though everyone is different she was just telling me straight forward what COULD happen. I have messaged her and typed in all caps because I wanted to yell it and because she has recently been through this I knew she would understand. She laughs with me through text and I love it. Thank you Lisa for being my support over here even though you are in the US and guiding me on which way to go in this journey.
Now after reading this you may say but what about your mom she is there with you? So I'll tell you real quick...
My mom has been amazing. She has not been through this journey so honestly I think sometimes she doesn't know what to do or say and that's OK. I just sometimes need her to hold me and let me cry. She helps with my boys. She gets up every morning and helps get H ready for school. I too get up but sometimes it's just to see him, kiss him and tell him that I have faith in him and that he will have an amazing day. She is my rock right now. I would not be able to make it through the day without her.
This week has been easier so I have taken H to school and picked him up. He has loved it. It's just the two of us and we have our own little conversations.
Yes there are moments where I cry, I want to scream, I'm mad and angry and just frustrated but that is all apart of this journey. I don't let people know that I do those things but I'm sharing them now b/c there may be someone out there reading this that needs to know it's ok to feel that way and feel those things. How do I get through those moments? I remind myself that God has a plan for me. My favorite verse is Jeremiah 29:11 and if you go back to my first post when I first told you I had cancer that is the first image you would see.
It's getting late here so I'm going to call it a night. Hopefully tomorrow I can update some more. I have so much I want to share with you all. Thank you for the love and support you all have shown. Here are just a few pics from the last week. Love you all.
Also a big shoutout to my friend Elizabeth for getting meals set up for us. It has been wonderful to have so many helping us. Thank you to everyone that has brought us food so far.
Thanks to my friend Melonie and FaceTime I got to watch my dad get his tattoo.
Thanks dad. I love you.
Chris tattoo it's in 3D. Thanks babe I love you.
Probably last pic of me with hair. Unless I take one more tomorrow.
The struggle is real
Still hair under there but didn't want to shed at someone else's home.
I do not want my boys to remember me being sick. CMan really doesn't know what is going on he just knows mommy is staying home with him. However H knows more than a 7 almost 8 year old should know. However he is my strong boy. He is always asking me if I'm ok and if I feel ok.
I do get tired easy. In fact today about 2:30 I had a headache come on so I took a nap as soon as I got back from picking H up from school. Then when I woke up I'm not kidding there was hair everywhere. I promise ya'll I think it was the devil trying to get to me b/c I really wanted to go to bible study and it was like there was something trying to stop me from going. Well, let me tell you it didn't work. My headache went away and I put a scarf on my head so I wouldn't shed all over someone else's home. Hopefully we can get up in the morning and shave my head so be on the lookout for pics. H wants to be here when we do it and I don't want to be
Everyone says your so strong! How do you stay so positive?
Let me tell you it is not easy but there are two ladies that have fought this battle and beat it and I intend to do the same. I want to brag about them for just a minute.
I have known Kim since Kindergarten and I can't really think of a time that I ever saw her be negative during her fight. She was always positive and 8 years later she is still positive. I know she probably had her moments but she never let people see them. I can remember always saying she was my inspiration in life. I can tell you that if I had not watched her fight and beat cancer with such a positive attitude I'm not sure I would know how to be so positive. Thank you Kim for showing me that just because I have cancer it is not the end of the world and that having a positive attitude is the best way to get through this.
Then there is Lisa. I can go on and on about her. I have never met her face to face (I promise you though one day I will) but a mutual friend (Shayla) introduced us through Facebook and she has been an amazing 'sister' to me. See she was diagnosed two years ago yesterday here in there UAE. Mind you she is back in the US now. When we first started talking via Facebook she told me what surgeon to see and what oncologist to see and has even said which radiologist to see. The surgeon was the same one I had and when I requested from my surgeon to send me to the oncologist it was the same oncologist the surgeon was already going to send me to. Then when I found out I was going to have so much chemo she made me cry. LOL. She is that friend that is brutally honest with you and I absolutely love her for that. If it wasn't for her honesty I would have had a meltdown in my oncologist office on Aug 24 when he was telling me all the side effects I COULD have. However she had already told me so it was the second time I was hearing it all and even though everyone is different she was just telling me straight forward what COULD happen. I have messaged her and typed in all caps because I wanted to yell it and because she has recently been through this I knew she would understand. She laughs with me through text and I love it. Thank you Lisa for being my support over here even though you are in the US and guiding me on which way to go in this journey.
Now after reading this you may say but what about your mom she is there with you? So I'll tell you real quick...
My mom has been amazing. She has not been through this journey so honestly I think sometimes she doesn't know what to do or say and that's OK. I just sometimes need her to hold me and let me cry. She helps with my boys. She gets up every morning and helps get H ready for school. I too get up but sometimes it's just to see him, kiss him and tell him that I have faith in him and that he will have an amazing day. She is my rock right now. I would not be able to make it through the day without her.
This week has been easier so I have taken H to school and picked him up. He has loved it. It's just the two of us and we have our own little conversations.
Yes there are moments where I cry, I want to scream, I'm mad and angry and just frustrated but that is all apart of this journey. I don't let people know that I do those things but I'm sharing them now b/c there may be someone out there reading this that needs to know it's ok to feel that way and feel those things. How do I get through those moments? I remind myself that God has a plan for me. My favorite verse is Jeremiah 29:11 and if you go back to my first post when I first told you I had cancer that is the first image you would see.
It's getting late here so I'm going to call it a night. Hopefully tomorrow I can update some more. I have so much I want to share with you all. Thank you for the love and support you all have shown. Here are just a few pics from the last week. Love you all.
Also a big shoutout to my friend Elizabeth for getting meals set up for us. It has been wonderful to have so many helping us. Thank you to everyone that has brought us food so far.
My boys showing their support
Dad 1st tattoo
Even my friend Melonie got a tattoo in my honor a few weeks ago.
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